Book Review - Sex and the Believer
Matthew 5:27-28
“You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:27-28)
Most folks I know go right to this verse whenever discussing the topic of polygamy, so I was very interested in seeing how Moshe Koniuchowsky addresses this issue. I was not surprised by how little time he spent on this verse as it really goes to the heart of the issue, as far as I am concerned. Since he spends so little time on this, I will quote his argument in its entirety.
Now some may say that the taking of more wives by a man is just lust. Pure and simple. Nothing more than lust!
My response to that is, you could not be more incorrect! Yahshua warned us in Matthew 5:28 that LUST is birthed and thrives in the heart and that if we look at a member of the opposite sex with lust, it’s as if we already committed adultery with them in our hearts. So we see clearly that LUST is a condition of the heart and is totally unrelated to the number of wives in a family. Theoretically one can have 10 wives and still have a lust issue with women, or one can have not wives and not have any lust problem, as their heart does not wander.
The same applies to a woman. Both single and married women struggle with lust almost as much as men and many women enter into a secret chamber of “online” forbidden romance, or masturbation over elaborate fantasies that they have created. LUST is a sin, whether it talks [sic] place alone, or with a single wife, or with multiple wives, or by computer.
That’s it. That is all Mr. Koniuchowsky has to say on this subject. I would have to say that I agree with 90% of what is written above. What I don’t agree with is that lust has nothing to do with the total number of wives one possesses. I think it has everything to do with it.
By Mr. K.’s own admission, the main reason to add a wife is sex. It seems to me that if you are not getting enough, and you are not willing to work with your spouse to get more, and you begin to look around at other women, what is driving your quest? Lust. The condition of our heart is what drives us. It is what motivates us. It is the focus of our relationship with our spouse just as it is the focus of our relationship with Adonai. He tells us to circumcise our hearts, cutting off the fleshly desires and making our hearts, and minds clean so that we can meet with Him.
The thing is, he prefaced this whole argument with this statement: “BUT, even if it were all about sex, so what? That is the male’s nature. Why complain about his design? Yahshua is the Creator and Designer of sex and He knows some men need more than others.” He then discusses how this would take care of any mid-life crisis the man might be having, while making him more attractive to his wife. I don’t understand his logic; how can watching your husband pursue another woman make him more attractive?
I’m sorry, but if a man is having troubles with his spouse in any way, shape or form, the first thing he should be doing is seeking Adonai’s face to discover the problem. The fact that he instead chooses to find another woman to fill that role shows that his heart is more interested in lust than love. Remember that love does not seek it own way, instead it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. That stands repeating; ALL THINGS, including lack of sex.
There is much more to being intimate than sex, but apparently Mr. Moshe Koniuchowsky does not understand what intimacy is, for he states that it is what, “women call romance and men call orgasm.” After reading that statement I had to go and ask my husband to define intimacy for me, just to make sure that I was not off my rocker. He responded that intimacy is defined as knowing what it takes to please the other, and not just in the bedroom. I am a very blessed woman indeed!