Book Review - Sex and the Believer
By Moshe Koniuchowsky
There is a great deal of controversy surrounding the latest book by Moshe Koniuchowsky, entitled Sex and the Believer - Shocking Freedom of Sexuality in Torah. Having read the book myself, I can understand why there is such a commotion. Mr. Koniuchowsky, who describes himself as both an Apostle and a Rabbi, has influence over a vast number of Torah observant believers in Yeshua, through his website (www.yourarmstoisrael.org) and his publishing ministry (YATI Publishing). He writes with a very authoritative style that causes the reader to believe that he has been anointed by God Himself to spread this wonderful truth found in Scripture. The question we must ask ourselves, however, is just how truthful is this truth of his?
It soon became evident that he does not expect the reader to look up all of the Scripture referenced, because he draws conclusions from them that are simply unfounded in the verses cited. An example is the reference of Genesis 18:12 on page eight, which he prefaced with, “The patriarchs are described as playing with each other’s private parts.” A quick check of the verse referenced shows that the pleasure referred to here is not anything more than the pleasure of finally having a child after a lifetime of hoping. It has nothing to do with sex or foreplay or any other type of fondling.
Sarah laughed to herself, saying, “After I have become old, shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?” And the LORD said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh, saying, ‘Shall I indeed bear a child, when I am so old?’ Is anything too difficult for the LORD? At the appointed time I will return to you, at this time next year, and Sarah will have a son.” (Genesis 18:12-14)
This book is rife with contradictions. Although in one chapter he praises Joseph for refusing to sleep with Potiphar’s wife, in a later chapter he states that a slave has no right to deny his master’s pleasure, even if the master is a woman. He states in some places that God mandates polygamy, in other places he states that God does not. He even claims that Scripture states quite clearly that an unmarried man cannot be in a position of leadership, causing this reader to wonder if Yeshua was teaching in error, according to Mr. Koniuchowsky, due to his single status. This kind of confusion cannot be from Adonai.
His view of the female sex is also confusing. At times he seems to look at women through rose colored glasses, ignoring their natural tendencies favoring instead an unrealistic view of the way they think and behave. In other places he seems to believe that women’s only redeeming quality is that of childbirth and how they can please their man. There is absolutely no thought to a woman’s point of view, unless he is running it down as being “emotional.” Although he shares with us that the Hebrew word for co-wife also means enemy and adversary, with its root in opposition, he never seems to take that information into account.
The research is shoddy, in my opinion, as he doesn’t take other Scripture references into account and he has strange definitions that seem to come from his own imagination, as I have never heard anyone state before that fornication ONLY applies to intercourse. A careful study of the word harlotry, for the word fornication is not found in Torah, shows that it includes fondling.
Mr. Koniuchowsky also doesn’t seem to understand the need for a witness of two or three to establish a truth, as he is forming doctrine on single, obscure verses that we need to, “read between the lines.” Making the assumption of Job having a second wife, for example, he continues to speak of Job’s polygamy as if it were a certain fact. He simply ignores the tales of polygamous marriage that are not to his liking.
Even a cursorily reading of the stories of the polygamous marriages in the Bible show that they are filled with strife, yet the author ignores this fact, instead focusing on what he believes to be the benefits of this arrangement. Unfortunately for women, most of the benefits are for the man himself, or any woman who is not willing to put her all into the marriage relationship, instead wanting help with everything from housework to pleasing her man. He doesn’t even address the times in Scripture when wives abuse each other, stating that Adonai’s made extra rules to regulate it and that is enough.
Mr. Koniuchowsky’s views on homosexuality seem to indicate that he has never spent time talking to one who has practiced this lifestyle, believing that a polygamous marriage would be perfect for a recovering lesbian. He also claims that the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah would be with us still had they only practiced polygamy. Who is to say that they didn’t? Sodomy can be very addicting; heterosexual men engage in sodomy as well.
He also states that Torah allows for sexual activity outside of the marriage covenant as long as they don’t “go all the way” so-to-speak. He then asks the reader to “prove me wrong from the WORD,” yet he doesn’t use the word to prove his statement. This is just one example of his lack of research and Scriptural proof.
Moshe’s discussions regarding the other aspects of sexuality in the life of the believer leaves much to be desired. His use of very graphic terms to describe intimate spousal relations cause this book to be pornographic in nature, necessitating the “for mature audiences only” warning at the beginning of the book. So, although the book’s intended audience is the Torah observant believer in Messiah Yeshua, most of the target audience will be so turned off by his use of these terms that they will be unable to glean anything good from this book, should there be any thing worth gleaning.
To be perfectly honest with you, this book was very difficult to read and I did not read every word. The chapters quoting other people, church fathers and Jewish sages, were skipped entirely as I was not really interested in their views of polygamy. After a time I simply could read no more. Had I not intended on reviewing this book, I would not have read as much as I did. The end of the book contains his arguments in response to questions raised by people so far, but for the most part it simply reiterates what was stated earlier, again with no Scriptural support.
He also tries to head off any arguments, especially from women, with statements like, “Are we going to let women, women’s emotions, possible jealousies, potential fears and dogmas override the Torah?” This is the type of blanket statement, akin to spiritual abuse and blackmail, which Mr. Moshe K. uses throughout the book. Overall, one walks away from this book with the feeling that the author does not give a whole lot of value to the lives of women and of those who are outside of his narrowly defined view of Israel, as displayed in the terms, “state approved baby” or a “take it or leave it child.”
One example Mr. Koniuchowsky gives is “a household where there are many children and the chores and homeschooling is just too much for any one woman,” as a good reason for multiple wives. If that were the case, why is her husband, the father of the children in question, not stepping up to help direct the children in their chores and help with their educational needs? Why not hire a young neighbor to come in and help with the chores a few days a week? Why add another wife and the strife that accompanies her? He answers that question with an emphatic, “the husband gets some extra, or varied sex and all are happy!”
Here is a simple truth that this book seems to be avoiding: just as slavery is acknowledged, regulated and displayed in the Bible but is not God’s will for His people, so too polygamy is acknowledged, regulated and displayed in the Bible, and is also not God’s will for His people. Adonai has stated that He will allow men to walk in the stubbornness of their own hearts in the hopes that we will see the error of our ways and turn back to His original plan. He will not, however, stand for the mistreatment and abuse of His people by anyone, His children included. The polygamous lifestyle has abuse inherit to the system, hence the need for its regulation.
If it were not for Moshe Koniuchowsky’s wide influence, this book would be laughable and easily ignored. Unfortunately this book has the potential of causing much heartache within the body of believers, as many men who have fallen for the Playboy lie regarding multiple sex partners will see this as the justification they were searching for. These men will convince their wives that they are in sin by rejecting their “need” for a second, third or fourth wife, giving them little choice but to concede under their spiritual blackmail.
This is just a quick overview of Sex and the Believer. All in all I would say, “Save your money. This book is not worth it.” The sexual freedom he provides is for those who have sexual addictions and refuse to deal with them properly. Although the Bible clearly does not ban the practice of polygamy, neither does it promote the taking of multiple wives. Moshe K. does not prove that it is within God’s will or plan for our lives, only showing that it is allowed. He ignores the facts, making broad statements not backed with Scripture that he himself later contradicts, while ignoring crucial components of the very verses he references, to the annoyance of the intelligent reader.
If you are looking for a more in depth review, taking points made and showing, using often the very same Scriptural references, that Adonai does not want this lifestyle for His people, click here. If you are the victim of rape and have read this book, please read the fuller review for I truly believe that Mr. Koniuchowsky is in error in his understanding of the issue of rape and that it is detrimental to those women, and men, who have had this terrible event occur in their lives.